TRUTH

This post is for all my friends, family and people I love that are hanging on to their sobriety during this time. This post may seem dramatic, but having witnessed death at the hands of vices and addictions, nothing is too dramatic to say if it will push someone I love toward help and love. I am well acquainted with addiction.....depression....and the painful battle it is to love someone that is in this fray.  It is in my blood and in all my relatives.  

To add to this, all nuances and schedules and patterns are torn to shreds right now. Gone are those physical activities that stay off yearnings and help make us so sleepy and exhausted that bodies and brains just fall into bed each night.  For those of us that live alone, whether we admit it or not, it isn't easy.  We are used to saying "oh, I live alone, but I am not lonely".  Well, this Covid thing has infiltrated us with loneliness whether we want to admit or not.

And now not only are those daily routines busted, but our sense of touch and communication is wrecked.   During this strange time, the struggle is to just make it positively through the day.  It's doubly hard for some people to rely on others right now when they push against that very thing in their normal lives.  

 For us who have been on the sidelines it is equally as painful , if not more to watch and know what is going on in secret.  

We get the brunt of the anger, the frustration and the fear in abrupt, cold or pointed answers to any suggestions or questions.. Or maybe we aren't on the receiving end of all of that because the other side of the coin is solitude and silence. It doesn't matter, both have the ability to crush a person into a million pieces more than once in their lifetime.  

I have had to be so careful  around addiction.  It is in my DNA.  I've smelled it.  I've been in the middle of it, trying to make things better, when there was no better.  I have seen it kill physically and kill relationships.  My father....my grandfather....my uncle...my brother...my friends...young campers.  The only thing that makes addiction more deadly is a gun.  I've been in the middle of that too.  

So, I know.  I know what is happening.  I can feel it.  It is familiar.  There is no hiding it from me.  

I do know, the one thing that addiction doesn't numb or kill.....and that is LOVE.

Getting through this time and holding on to sobriety & life cannot be done alone.  
I don't care who you are, where you are, what is happening ....reach out to someone.  
Call someone .  Talk with someone.  There is no judgement when you talk with someone who loves you.  That person doesn't care who you are and what you have done.  Help is unconditional with people who love you...who truly love you.  

Everyone is wanting the same thing.  To be connected.  To have purpose.  To have someone care about them.  We all just handle it in different ways.  We all want approval no matter what age we are.  Asking for comfort or help from someone , if it is the right person or people, will have no bearing on approval and love.

My brother came crawling through my bedroom window one night...scared and afraid.  My dad, who was an incredible businessman and soldier, wandered a parking lot one night so ill.  My uncle had the best sense of humor of anyone I have known.  He sat in his chair night after night after night until he was gone.  

The life saving force in each of these scenarios...LOVE.  In the background, never judging were people that loved.  People we could share our secrets with,  even if we felt unloved,  unworthy, failing and falling apart.   

We can't let this crazy time do us in!  We are better, smarter even if we are human.  And we are each loved by someone in this world.  So connect.  Take inventory and if you don't like that inventory, begin creating new.  I bang on the piano, cry and just let it go. Yes, that is a hidden, secret part of my life.  I have learned though to reach out during difficult days.   For me it is so insane that all of this virus madness coincides with an awakening that started for me about about 4 months ago.  I will be better for this even though it hurts.

We will come out on the other side of this better.  So if any of you, young or old, are struggling with addiction... food,.alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, or obsessions with guns and other killers....REACH OUT  to professionals or at least to someone who you think might love you.  Chances are, they know already what you are going through....and are just waiting for your voice on the other end of the phone line.